It isn't until you really begin to analyse your life that you see yourself for who you truly are. Never loose sight of the fact that everything around you, every person, every animal, every action, every word you write, is a reflection of yourself. Looking closely at each and everything in and around your life, being completely and utterly aware, consciously aware of everything around you, completes your life in inexplicable ways.
Our quest for looking for our "soul mate", "star crossed lovers" as Shakespeare put it, is in complete vain if we cannot find ourselves. You will never find in someone else what you have not found in yourself. Always remember that there is only good inside you. You are naturally good. Anything that comes from you can only be good.
I recently had an experience with a clinical paranoid schizophrenic guy. At the time I felt sorry for him, trying the whole time to help him realise that the delusions he was experiencing were so far removed from the truth that they couldn't possibly have been true. As it began to make sense to him, he told me that he knew deep down inside that he believed me but he couldn't help himself. This is the key, "couldn't help himself". We are all schizophrenic and quite often paranoid too, the difference is none of us are clinical. We all have the ability to help ourselves. We have the ability to see the paranoia for what it is. We have the tools to materialise the truth and de-materialise the untruth.
Holding fast the belief that only good comes from you and therefore the reciprocal belief that only good can come toward you, you are able to remove the paranoia and help yourself. The best way to do this is to look around you, see the signs in your life. No matter how dark or evil the experience might seem, realise that there is no dark or evil, everything that happens in and around you is only good, so no matter how terrifying the experience might be, know that it really is good.
The only way you can get rid of your "inner demons" is to confront them, make friends with them and accept them as a part of you. There is nothing that needs "getting rid of". Remember that nothing can enter you in the first place, so there really is nothing to get rid of.
Come to terms with who and what you are, accept yourself, love yourself unconditionally and above all, believe in yourself. You really are good!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Sounding Board
When are you a friend and when are you a sounding board? When are you both? What does it mean to be a friend? What does it mean to be a sounding board?
A sounding board according to Wikipedia is "the part of a string instrument that transmits the vibrations of the strings to the air, greatly increasing the loudness of sound over that of the string alone. The sounding board operates by the principle of forced vibration; the board is gently vibrated by the string, and despite their differences in size and composition, the board will be "forced" to vibrate at the exact same frequency, producing the same sound as the string alone, differing only in timbre. Although the same amount of energy is transmitted with or without the board present, the sounding board, due to its greater surface area, is more readily able to transform this energy into sound. In other words, the sounding board can move a much greater volume of air, therefore producing a louder sound."
Other meanings, "Sounding board is also a term used to describe a person or a team who are used as a type of bounceback, allowing the person talking to see how their ideas sound. The person acting as sounding board is not really expected to give their own opinion, but simply to react to what is being said."
Sometimes all the person "summoning" you to their presence requires is for you to sit and listen. Not to contribute but only to react to what is being said. Most of the time, the person doing the sounding will be trying to deal with negative thoughts and emotions which they cannot do on their own. They are as it were trying in their mind to justify a reaction or thought by gauging how you react to what they are telling you. They are seeking acceptance and reassurance that what they have done was "right".
A good board will not react in any way. The good board will just sit and listen, offering the occasional smile. The person sounding is not looking for verbal feedback or a discussion on the matter. They are trying to read your body language and facial expressions and trying to find justification. They know what they have done or thought is not potentially all good. By verbalising their actions, they are trying to deal with them. As the board, just sit back, relax, receive but do not reflect.
It is at this stage when the boundaries between friendship and simple "soundboarding" become thin. As a friend, you may constantly feel compelled to offer advice, to comment, to even criticize the sounder. You need to distinguish immediately if they are sounding or confiding in you for your input as a valued friend.
I have a simple rule that I abide by. The only person who can judge you is you yourself.
If you always remember this, then any situation is handled with ease. If you know that the sounder is going on about their problems with others, then you know that this is their problem. They are judging everyone around them and not looking inward. As the board, you can only listen, because they are bound to "hear" themselves and realise what they are doing. As the board you cannot offer feedback as the objects of their judgement have nothing to do with you, therefore you can simply not comment. It is not your problem, so stay out of it. If anything, you can tell the friend how you see the situation in therms of the judgement and suggest they look inward to find the solution.
When dealing with a friend coming to you in a time of need, the judgement is reversed. There is no judgement of external factors, they are not ranting and raving about other people. Your sounder now will be sincere, almost slightly introverted, embarrassed. They will need a shoulder to cry on, not a board to resonate, amplify and reverberate their message. Your friend now needs you to listen, to show compassion, empathy and above all love toward them. They are now judging themselves and coming to terms with deepseated emotions. As a friend, a compassionate equal, you can offer words of consolement, stern advise "as you see it" and above all, your presence.
Offering your friend in need your undivided attention, your unconditional love, your constant reassurance that they are a great person, is all they need. When you least love yourself, the love of others is most important to you. You are weak and vulnerable, having lost touch with yourself you feel unsettled and lost. Your friends, or at least the good ones, will reconnect you. Remember always the one and only rule, only you can judge yourself, so beware not to judge your friend at this very vulnerable stage. Offer positive encouragement and love.
Knowing when you are required for what is the mark of a good friendship. Realising that friendship has many levels and you are required to act on each one accordingly, will make you a great friend. Only relating on one or two levels will make you an aquantance, the more levels of freindship you can perform on, the closer you will relate to your friend, making the bond even stronger. Never loose sight of these roles you play in your friends life and you are guaranteed a fulfilled relationship. No matter how big or small your part in your friend's life, you are still a friend. Be that friend to the fullest of your abilities. When your role is no longer required, let it go. It isn't up to you when your friend no longer needs you. Accept it and move on. Consentrate on your own play, concentrate on your own actors. Make sure that the friends you "need" are there. Make sure that they know it too!
I love all my friends and understand my role in each of their lives. Offering love at all times ensures a glorious relationship with them. Tell your friend today how much you love them. Remember your life is yours and theirs is theirs. When your "paths cross" appreciate the time together and spend all your energy on it. Whether the crossing lasts a day or many years, appreciate it for what it is at that moment.
"A true friend stabs you in the front". - Oscar Wilde
A sounding board according to Wikipedia is "the part of a string instrument that transmits the vibrations of the strings to the air, greatly increasing the loudness of sound over that of the string alone. The sounding board operates by the principle of forced vibration; the board is gently vibrated by the string, and despite their differences in size and composition, the board will be "forced" to vibrate at the exact same frequency, producing the same sound as the string alone, differing only in timbre. Although the same amount of energy is transmitted with or without the board present, the sounding board, due to its greater surface area, is more readily able to transform this energy into sound. In other words, the sounding board can move a much greater volume of air, therefore producing a louder sound."
Other meanings, "Sounding board is also a term used to describe a person or a team who are used as a type of bounceback, allowing the person talking to see how their ideas sound. The person acting as sounding board is not really expected to give their own opinion, but simply to react to what is being said."
Sometimes all the person "summoning" you to their presence requires is for you to sit and listen. Not to contribute but only to react to what is being said. Most of the time, the person doing the sounding will be trying to deal with negative thoughts and emotions which they cannot do on their own. They are as it were trying in their mind to justify a reaction or thought by gauging how you react to what they are telling you. They are seeking acceptance and reassurance that what they have done was "right".
A good board will not react in any way. The good board will just sit and listen, offering the occasional smile. The person sounding is not looking for verbal feedback or a discussion on the matter. They are trying to read your body language and facial expressions and trying to find justification. They know what they have done or thought is not potentially all good. By verbalising their actions, they are trying to deal with them. As the board, just sit back, relax, receive but do not reflect.
It is at this stage when the boundaries between friendship and simple "soundboarding" become thin. As a friend, you may constantly feel compelled to offer advice, to comment, to even criticize the sounder. You need to distinguish immediately if they are sounding or confiding in you for your input as a valued friend.
I have a simple rule that I abide by. The only person who can judge you is you yourself.
If you always remember this, then any situation is handled with ease. If you know that the sounder is going on about their problems with others, then you know that this is their problem. They are judging everyone around them and not looking inward. As the board, you can only listen, because they are bound to "hear" themselves and realise what they are doing. As the board you cannot offer feedback as the objects of their judgement have nothing to do with you, therefore you can simply not comment. It is not your problem, so stay out of it. If anything, you can tell the friend how you see the situation in therms of the judgement and suggest they look inward to find the solution.
When dealing with a friend coming to you in a time of need, the judgement is reversed. There is no judgement of external factors, they are not ranting and raving about other people. Your sounder now will be sincere, almost slightly introverted, embarrassed. They will need a shoulder to cry on, not a board to resonate, amplify and reverberate their message. Your friend now needs you to listen, to show compassion, empathy and above all love toward them. They are now judging themselves and coming to terms with deepseated emotions. As a friend, a compassionate equal, you can offer words of consolement, stern advise "as you see it" and above all, your presence.
Offering your friend in need your undivided attention, your unconditional love, your constant reassurance that they are a great person, is all they need. When you least love yourself, the love of others is most important to you. You are weak and vulnerable, having lost touch with yourself you feel unsettled and lost. Your friends, or at least the good ones, will reconnect you. Remember always the one and only rule, only you can judge yourself, so beware not to judge your friend at this very vulnerable stage. Offer positive encouragement and love.
Knowing when you are required for what is the mark of a good friendship. Realising that friendship has many levels and you are required to act on each one accordingly, will make you a great friend. Only relating on one or two levels will make you an aquantance, the more levels of freindship you can perform on, the closer you will relate to your friend, making the bond even stronger. Never loose sight of these roles you play in your friends life and you are guaranteed a fulfilled relationship. No matter how big or small your part in your friend's life, you are still a friend. Be that friend to the fullest of your abilities. When your role is no longer required, let it go. It isn't up to you when your friend no longer needs you. Accept it and move on. Consentrate on your own play, concentrate on your own actors. Make sure that the friends you "need" are there. Make sure that they know it too!
I love all my friends and understand my role in each of their lives. Offering love at all times ensures a glorious relationship with them. Tell your friend today how much you love them. Remember your life is yours and theirs is theirs. When your "paths cross" appreciate the time together and spend all your energy on it. Whether the crossing lasts a day or many years, appreciate it for what it is at that moment.
"A true friend stabs you in the front". - Oscar Wilde
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